On Being Bold

If moving in one particular direction causes harm to another, what do we do? It depends on our intention. A shaman intends to help others, so a shaman would move in another direction if possible, or move in the same direction differently. A warrior shaman strives toward perfection, so he or she would probably refrain from helping others until there was little, if any, chance of causing harm. This could take years, if not a lifetime of preparation. An adventurer shaman would probably move in directions that felt right until indications of harm or imminent harm came into awareness. Then a new direction would be made.

In these times, many, many people are looking for help, and I believe each one of us that feels like reaching out to help, should let go of the limitations and step forward. Be bold, be confident and at the same time, be open to the red flags and be willing to change

In lomilomi class, we learn to help another being let go of tension. That means we press into the body slowly, respectfully until we reach a place of Resistance and then we hold patiently until a letting go is felt. Without the connecting, reaching in and finding the places of tension, without being bold, we could hardly help others to change. Without the slowness and sensitivity, we could bring more tension than release, more harm than good. How does one improve skill without taking a chance? In every lomilomi, we take a chance, yet we minimize those chances by staying aware and balanced and flexible, so we can change directions in a second's notice, with calm assurance that a better way is unfolding. And as we practice on ourselves, getting to know our own body's reactions to our actions, we improve our ability to stay focused (using hula) and energized (using hula and chanting) and loving (by making conscious decisions in a spirit of aloha).
All of life is a chance, everything is flexible. Taking no chance is near to not being alive or rather, not living. So be bold, yet be the navigator, guiding. Increase skills, and trust that the prayer within to help, not harm, will be answered.

Some time ago my presence at a party may have caused emotional upset to some participants for reasons that are not important here. At the time, I was so happy and full of exuberance for life that I didn't have the sensitivity to perceive this. (I was being bold, but not sensitive enough) I've had time to reflect in my own mind, to relive the experience and practice it differently. Given a similar circumstance, I would probably act differently. In an infinite universe there is always another way to act to effect the kind of harmony I so desire. I don't stop driving a car because some people need to manifest an accident (maybe for getting a break from work or perhaps for collecting insurance. or for having time to read a book while recuperating). No, I just navigate through life with the prayer that they and I will never meet. Some one else with a matching pattern can be part of their dream. So my personal haipule (prayer) is to have a happy life while sharing as much happiness with the whole world as I possibly can. And I increase my skills of sensitivity and awareness so I can continue to be bold in my happiness!

How to Be Bold

"Begin, be bold and venture to be wise."

-Horace

If you're shy, hesitant, or passive, you run the risk of leading a boring life marked by routine and unfulfilled goals. Most progress has been led by people who were bold--scientists, public servants, artists, entrepreneurs, and others who didn't wait for opportunities; they created opportunities. So if you want to be bold and unstoppable, here are some ways to kick start your momentum.

Steps

1. 
   Pretend you're already bold. If you were to switch places with somebody who is as bold as bold can be, what would they do in your shoes? If you already know someone who's bold, imagine how they'd act. If you don't know anyone like that, think of a character from a movie or book who's daring and brave. Spend one hour a day or one day a week pretending to be them. When you do this, go somewhere that people don't know you and won't act surprised when you do things that are out of character. Go through the motions and see what happens--you might discover that amazing things happen when you're bold, and you might be convinced to carry this bold behavior into your everyday life.
2. Make the first move. Whenever you're feeling hesitant--especially in your interactions with others--swallow your pride and make the first move. Ask your acquaintance if they'd like to go to the bar down the street for drinks after work. Tell the person you fancy that you've got two tickets to a concert and you'd like them to come with you. Give your significant other a big hug and apologize for that time you overreacted a few months ago. Smile and wink at the attractive cashier.
3. 
   Do something unpredictable. What could you do that would completely surprise the people who know you? Wear high heels? Skydive? Take a dance class? Bold people aren't afraid of trying new things, and one of the reasons they're so exciting to be around is that they keep you guessing. You can start small, perhaps by wearing a color or style of clothing that you don't normally wear, or visiting a place you normally wouldn't visit. Eventually, you may get to the point where you entertain ideas that make other people's eyes widen when you mention them ("Are you serious? White water rafting?" or "You're kidding me. You want to buy that restaurant on 3rd Street?").
4. Ask for what you want. Rather than wait to be recognized for your efforts, or expect someone to consider your needs, step right up to the plate and ask. Some people feel that asking for things is greedy, selfish, and rude--and it is, if you're asking for something you don't deserve. But if someone is withholding something that you've rightfully earned, they're the ones being greedy, selfish, and rude. Besides, what's the worst that could happen? They say no. Life goes on.
   
   
   • Ask for that promotion or pay raise you've been waiting (and working) for.
   • Ask for a discount. A little haggling can go a long way. The phrase "What can you do for me?" is an easy and powerful way to save money.
   • Ask to have your credit card's annual fee waived.
   • Ask a relative, friend, or even a complete stranger for help or advice.
   • Ask for clarification if you're not sure what is expected of you.
5. 
   Take risks. There's a difference between being reckless and accepting risks. Reckless people don't accept risks...they don't even think about them. A bold person, on the other hand, is well aware of the risks, and has decided to go through with the decision anyway, ready and willing to accept the consequences if things don't work out. Think of an athlete who takes risks every day. Are they reckless? No. It's a measured risk. You might make a mistake; we all do. But inaction can be a mistake as well, one that leads to emptiness and regret. For many people, having taken risks and fallen flat on their faces was far more fulfilling than having done nothing at all.
6. Rediscover who you are. Ultimately, boldness has to do with coming from your center, what you believe. It is not about what you do, it is about who you are. If you do not know who you are, you can never be truly bold. Start really appreciating your uniqueness. Discover what makes you different and then parade it around for all to see. Put flags on it, call attention to it and love yourself for it no matter what others think. That is the heart of boldness.
   
   

Tips

• Don't confuse being bold with being aggressive. Aggressiveness often involves imposing your viewpoints or actions on others. Boldness has nothing to do with the people around you; it's about overcoming your fears and taking action.
• Don't worry about rejection. Try to make your invitations to others occur as "without consequence," i.e., the opposite of an invitation from your mother to dinner. Conversely, when your invitation is declined, boldly accept it and leave the other person/people feeling okay with their choice.
• While there's power in taking on something new, there's also a greater chance of failure because of your lack of experience. Embrace the failure; it's not the opposite of success, it's a necessary component. The opposite of success is sitting still.

Warnings

• Remember: there is a difference between being bold and being suicidal. If you know doing something will hurt you, it doesn't matter how bold you are; don't do it.